Practice Jokes 4

Some practice jokes about a New York Times story.

Upstate Judge Is Censured for Accidentally Firing Gun in Chambers. No, this is not another wanking story.

New York Times, 27 August, 2012

On second thought, Judge Vincent A. Sgueglia admitted to state judicial officials, the landmark courthouse in Owego, N.Y., was probably not the best place to repair a revolver with a faulty firing mechanism. Probably? Probably!

If a Judge can’t make a sane decision, what is he doing as a Judge? Or maybe I expect too much of my Judges… I genuinely would prefer my Judges to be looking at internet porn than playing with loaded guns. Like they do in Wills County, Chicago.

That was what he was doing, alone in his chambers on the first floor of the 140-year-old courthouse, during a recess on the morning of Jan. 21, 2010.

Despite having a name that sounds like a pig that’s been shot in the butt, Judge Sgueglia (pronounced SQUEEL-ee-uh) has never actually been shot himself.

However, the gun, a .38-caliber Smith & Wesson is great for shooting pigs.

The judge said he did not realize the gun was loaded. He also didn’t realise that guns kill people as he’d always though it was people that did that. Yes, people who have guns, clean guns, leave guns lying around or generally get the urge to carry them. In fact, remarkably, since the invention of the gun, not one person has ever been killed by a gun that has not had a certain proximity to a person with a gun. So, yes, people do kill people. So don’t give these fucking people guns!

During cleaning, the gun, went off. As they are apt to do if you will keep a loaded gun in the house.
During cleaning, the gun, went off. The reason why the Judge had not unloaded it first was because he was worried someone might break into the building, come all the way up to his room and attack him with a rabid cat before he had a chance to reload.

The bullet dug into a wall. No one was injured. What about the poor wall

on the morning he took the faulty Smith & Wesson to his office, he believed it was not loaded when he started working on it. Even so, “as a standard protocol, he pointed it in a safe direction at a concrete wall”. What about the standard protocol of unloading the thing before working on a GUN WITH A FAULTY FIRING PIN!

Judge Sgueglia has been censured for having approved his own gun permit in 2005, an action the commission administrator, Robert H. Tembeckjian, called “an obvious conflict.” I, as your joke writer, have nothing to add.

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