Our next writing assignment is to write two advert spoofs. In class we came up with a number of ideas for adverts for ridiculous things, and the 3 I preferred are below. They are very silly, and lots of fun.
Burglar eating curtains – filmed
Couple walk into a room, switch on the light and you see the image of a leaping burglar superimposed on the curtains at the same time as the girl scream.
Don’t worry honey, it’s just our wonderful new burglar eating curtains, from the American Protection Company.
Protect your house from unwanted intruders with the all new Burglar eating curtains.
Worried about break ins? Don’t! Our tested and proven burglar eating curtains will keep your family safe from all sorts of nasty things.
Developed during the cold war to protect American homes from nuclear attack
[black and white footage of an American nuclear family, with image of a nuclear bomb with USSR written on it on their curtains]
Father to his family
Those dang Ruskies won’t get past our curtains.
As seen on the Arizona border with Mexico
[show a huge cloth with images of hundreds of running refugees]
These curtains have recently been declassified for domestic use.
Does your neighbour’s cat come into the house? How annoying.
[show an image of a cat on the curtain and the sound “reouw!”]
Are you worried about marauding lynch mobs?
[A black couple smiling with thumbs up, 3 members of the KKK with torches stuck on the curtains]
Not any more!
Voiceover Is your child scared of the dark? With the right food, your curtains will even glow!
Woman to child
Night night sweetheart.
[Happy child bouncing on it’s bed with Dracula stuck in the curtains behind, child climbs into bed, lights go off and it’s eyes glow]
Order from the American Protection Company on 555 Munch
Suspect your wife of having an affair? If you order today, we’ll throw in a pair of double sided curtains for free.
[man comes into bedroom, wife is in bed, the image of the back of a man, buttocks naked, on the curtains]
Man, smiles to her as if to say how cute and silly the situation is
Some curtains come predesigned
[sweep through of 3 sets of curtains with images:
* 2 surprised looking Chinese sewing ladies with machines;
* man on his forklift
* The Titanic]
When hung over the front door, they protect against mothers in law, Jehovah’s Witnesses and Trick or Treating
[Sweep of images of a grumpy lady, two nicely dressed young men and a bunch of kids dressed for Halloween]
Your family maybe at risk if curtains are not correctly chained to the pole. The American Protection Company, please hang responsibly.
Peanut free axe handles – in studio
Scientist in a white coat
Do you find your hands swell up when fighting with your friends? Do you find you get a lump in your throat when you beat your mother?
You may have a peanut allergy.
[show scientist pointing at a big image of a peanut on a board]
Maybe it’s time to try Thuganol, our all new peanut free axe handles.
[Cut to a barman holding an axe handle]
I used to have so much trouble. I thought I was going soft, I could only put 8 people in hospital a weekend, but with new Thuganol I beat up 15 people last night alone.
Specially designed for the Canadian seal clubbing industry, these handles won’t let you down.
[scientist beats a fluffy toy seal with an axe handle, which squeaks at him]
These bring industrial quality into a family environment. Handles for all the family, no gloves required. And for only $50 more, we have peanut free axe heads too.
[cut to one armed hiker]
This peanut free axe saved my life when I got caught in a ravine.
[cut to man, wife and child with dead hamster]
We were able to do a home dissection. Thuganol peanut free axes should be available in every school.
[cut to smiling couple, man in a suit with axe in hand]
These peanut free axes have been a real boon to us. I chopped up my mother in law and it took no time. They saved our marriage and were cheaper than therapy.
That’s not all. We also have peanut free chainsaws.
[cut to man covered in blood, with hockey mask on]
I used to only be able to cut up 4 people before my eyes swelled up, but now I can do a whole day’s killing spree. These new chainsaws have been the most liberating thing since I burnt my girlfriend’s bra with her in it.
Ask as you local pharmacist for details. Only Thuganol has been approved by the FDA.
Not responsible for accidents *** disclaimer
[cut to cast of the advert smiling and holding up their tool]
Multi size orifice cleaner with interchangeable heads
[man with a Q tip delving in his ear]
Are you frustrated with your Q tips? Well the boffins at Kleenex have come up with a new multi orifice cleaning device. With interchangeable heads or boots as the buds are called, it has cotton buds designed to fit you!
[cut to same man, in a dentists’ chair]
Head over. Sarah, a size 10 boot please.
Designed for the medical industry, we bring you clinician quality products.
We’re going to need a bigger boot