Practice jokes from an article at Yorkshire Coast Radio on 17th October 2012.
A blind man in Chorley was tazered after a policeman mistook his white stick for a sword.
Lancashire Constabulary have denied that it was the same officer who last week shot a guide dog fearing it was a dragon.
Mr Farmer, a 61 year old double stroke victim who walks at a “snail’s pace”, collapsed to the floor and was put in handcuffs.
Or as the police report put it, “Mr Farmer is a fit youth who tried to flee the scene before resisting arrest”.
Police had received reports of a man walking through the town armed with a samurai sword. In an attempt to hunt down the offender, they shot four toddlers whose rattles were thought to be knuckle dusters, 18 seagulls who were acting suspiciously like teradactyls, and clamped 3 caravans under the sincere belief they were the Death Star.
The following day, a scare over a pistol caused Lancashire police to order local Tescos to stop selling bananas.
Mr Farmer had no idea the police officer had thought his thin white stick was a machete as Lancashire police usually only mistake it for a broomstick.
Mr Farmer cried out, “I’m blind! I’m blind!” while collapsed on the floor but was still handcuffed by the officer from Lancashire Police, who had been trained to be on the lookout for these wily disabled pensioners.
He was taken to hospital for treatment, where the doctor, also from Chorley, accidentally amputated his hands after mistaking them for cancer.
Lancashire police are considering employing Mr Farmer as a consultant, as, despite being blind, he is the only person in Chorley who can tell the difference between a stick and a sword.