A bunch of practice jokes based on recent news stories…
A man in Glasgow is being treated for the deadly tropical disease, Crimean Congo Viral Haemorrhagic Fever. That’s global warming for you.
Gary McKinnon, hacked into NASA and Pentagon computers from his north London bedroom while searching for evidence of ‘little green men’.
The US wants to extradite him as he caused damage costing 800 000 little green bank notes.
Ironically, Gary McKinnon’s search for little green men nearly resulted in him being abducted by the people of the little green bank note and their success would almost certainly have resulted in him being probed.
An Italian court has jailed 6 scientists for failing to predict an earthquake. They are also seeking the extradition of Mystic Meg for failing to predict the Euromillions lottery numbers
Silvio Berlusconi has been sentenced to 4 years in jail. This has been reduced to only a year for the sake of the 17 year old prostitute he slept with, as any longer and she’d be out of his age range.
The Spanish economy is so bad that many of the country’s regions are seeking independence. So dire is the situation, some are even considering joining Argentina
The Catholic Church has canonised its first native American saint, which makes a change from the more ancient church tradition of firing native Americans out of canons.
Last year, the people of Hiada Gwaii dumped iron into the sea to boost local salmon numbers. Who knew the fishery depletion was due to simple anemia.
Iron fertilises plankton blooms, which then sink, a well known following morning phenomenon for heavy drinkers of Guinness.
Plankton blooms might be used to cool the climate. Ironic given that the climate only needs cooling because of politicians with brains the size of plankton. Plankton manage this climate cooling trick by trapping carbon and sinking. Sadly, in the case of politicians, the more carbon dioxide they give off, the faster they rise. The similarity between plankton and politicians is both deplete the local area of oxygen.
The iron dump caused an immediate shift from scarcity to abundance in sea life. Some say the metal can be used to benefit fish in other ways, although smelting it into advanced weaponry and using it on EU fisheries ministers who won’t listen to their scientists is generally frowned upon.