The Story of My Online Dating Profile

I admit it. I do online dating. Then again, who doesn’t these days.

I recently got fed up with the whole blandness of the thing and decided to give my profile a bit of texture, a bit of fun. Unfortunately, many people read these things at face value – which I find even funnier. Although as such, while I was hoping for feisty girls, I have also attracted one or two nutters…

The website I use shall remain nameless (10 points if you can guess it. And what do points mean? A fine, a higher insurance premium and a speed awareness course in Angel, presided over by German by the name of Henning), however this particular site vets the profiles before they go up, and so below is the correspondence I had with them.

Enjoy – and hell, if you are hot, intelligent, single and fun, why not get in touch!


I am so many types of awesome it’s brilliant. If you are not, stop reading right now. [Nameless Site] has some cracking ladies on it, and if you are one, do get in touch, but if your profile is dull (so many of you girls have such dull profiles 🙂 and you are a minger (yup, I said it), sorry, not interested (I’m not sorry). Am I arrogant? Oh yes I am!

But think about it. If you are interesting, fun, like to laugh, and extremely hot (because I like interesting, fun, laughing and hotness. And intelligence, you have to be intelligent) then we can have fun, interesting times together, while laughing and looking gorgeous (you, not me, I’m ok looking, but I’ve never been approached by an artist for naked modelling or anything. And I would, you know. Try anything once…)

You’re still reading? Well you’re resilient, I’ll give you that. So, why contact me? Well, if you’ve been on a date with anyone here and are still looking, I think you can answer that. And given I probably won’t reply to you anyway, what have you got to lose!


Dear Alexander

Unfortunately, we could not approve your profile because some of the changes you have made to your profile is likely to offend the majority of our members.

blah blah, etc etc etc


Dear [Nameless Site] Team,

Thank you for your message, I am sorry that you have deemed my new profile offensive. I wrote it very carefully, and the intention is comedy, not offence.

While I understand there are many who have no sense of humour, my profile is designed to eliminate such individuals – after all, it is a profile that tries to attract people to the real me, not some fabricated and sanitised individual who then lets them down upon meeting (as is all too often the case when meeting people through a dating website).

As such, I would be grateful if you would please clarify the exact way it is offensive – and if it is me that is offensive in my honesty, do you propose either dishonesty or do you also censure those individuals who are dishonest and offend the majority of your members through wasting the honest dater’s time? Please forgive my questions, I merely wish to understand as there seems to be a logical disconnect, and I am sure your explanation will clarify it for me.

Many thanks,


Dear Alexander
Thank you for your message.
I have had a look into this for you and can see that your profile was rejected in particular for the text you wrote saying “if your profile is dull (so many of you girls have such dull profiles 🙂 and you are a minger”. 
Whilst we can appreciate you wish to be honest in your profile, as we hope that all of our members are, I hope you understand that lots of our members are new to online dating and we feel that this may cause many members to be offended/upset by your words.  A sense of humour is a very personal thing and is very difficult to get across sometimes in a profile and we felt that your words could be seen as offensive rather than humorous.
Kind Regards


Hi Jo,

thanks for getting back to me on this. I wonder, what would you suggest that I write there instead, that gets the gist across – both the humour and saying what I want?

If it is the word “minger”, I can change that to “not a looker”, however, if it is the sentence as a whole, it does slightly feel like double standards. After all, a massive proportion of girls on the site put some very common male traits in their dislikes – such as arrogance, a particularly tough one as every guy in the world has at least a smidgeon of it.

I want a girl who is interesting and has a sense of humour – in the same vein that a girl doesn’t want arrogance in a guy, I don’t want dullness in a girl. Dull to a girl is surely no less objectionable than arrogant to a guy.

I just wonder if it isn’t a little sexist to suggest that women are so much less robust when reading these profiles than guys are – and if girls don’t like it, they won’t write. That is the miracle of 21st century technology – and emancipation 🙂

Alternatively, you could put a warning at the top of any profile such as mine (and any girls’ ones which have arrogance down in their dislikes) saying “Muddy Matches warns that some members may find this profile offensive” if you think that would help?

Thank you for helping look for a solution to this.

Kind regards,


Dear Alexander
Thank you for your message.
Yes, if you’d like to change the word ‘minger’ to ‘not a looker’ then this would be fine, please make the amendments in your profile and resend it to us, I will then ensure your profile is approved myself. 
Kind Regards


5 thoughts on “The Story of My Online Dating Profile”

  1. Can I have 10 points please Al? You named the “nameless” site in the fifth paragraph of your reply addressed to Jo!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s